In a country where few of us have a national “pedigree,” we are all mutts to lesser or greater extent. Unless one can look to a native American ancestor, all of us share the same heritage.  People left their homelands, boarded ships, and stepped off the gangplank breathing American air and dreaming of a life that would be better than the one they left.

My eighth-great grandfather did just that. He sailed from England settling in Culpepper, Virginia in 1728. For seven years he worked as an indentured servant building barns, sheds, and houses as a carpenter. He married, had children, and died fighting in the French-Indian wars.  Another great-great grandfather sailed from Germany as a Lutheran pastor. He served as a chaplain in the Civil War and is buried in Wright Patterson Field military cemetery near Dayton, Ohio. Heck, on my in-law’s side, a Welshman was elected to the Maryland legislature. He was kicked out for drunken brawling.  Who doesn’t have someone like that in their past? My family is no different than the vast majority of American families. They came. They settled. They built a life. Some even screwed up. No green cards. No Immigration officers. No chanting “USA!…USA!”

Witnessing the ugliness of many of my fellow citizens, I wonder about their lack of curiosity about their own stories. Should we build a wall along the Atlantic seaboard to keep out Scots? (Oops…that would be The Donald’s family.) Yet, many have become a jingoistic, xenophobic, egocentric, and bombastic 21st Century brand of gun-toting hatred. So, what do we do America…with this mixture of cultures, languages, races, and journeys? I think I have a solution.

Perhaps its time to bring back the more civilized way to settle disagreements…dueling at dawn. Now I propose this as a natural next-step in America’s passion for the Second Amendment.  Just because Aaron Burr gave dueling a bad name doesn’t mean it shouldn’t make a comeback. It would certainly be a more efficient way to clear the over-populated field of Republican presidential candidates. The endless shrill debates should have been outlawed by the Geneva Convention. (Oops again…that’s a foreign thing.) We’ve been tortured enough!

As a capitalistic venture, we could sell tickets as a means of publicly funded campaigns. This would be it. One chance.  As they say in the fashion industry, “You’re either in or you’re out.” An immediate benefit would be the end of “And I approve this message” TV ads. People could finally watch Wheel of Fortune without all of the doomsday music and frenetic flag-waving.  More importantly, families divided by political skirmishes at the Thanksgiving table could reunite!  They could “friend” one another again on Facebook.  No longer “unsistered”and “unbrothered,” Americans could get back to Football and yell at their TV’s…together!

The political questions at stake would be quickly addressed by the politicians standing back to back.  Ten paces. Turn and fire. Ahh…not to see Carly Fiorina’s face twisted in self-righteous anger when she doesn’t like a reporter’s question.  Not to hear Ted Cruz whine in condescending ire at Marco Rubio’s attack during a debate.  No more about Hillary’s emails. No more “It will be HUGE” from Donald.  We can settle this right now…ten short paces and then quiet.

My proposal reinstating this time-honored contest of cool-headed bravado is the perfect remedy for such pent-up macho, Rambo-like testosterone. However, AK-47’s may not be used. No semi-automatics. No fancy-schmanzy high calibre gun-slinging.  We will do it the old fashioned way.  Colt-45’s in holsters.  One bullet in each gun. The winner pays for the other’s funeral.  Everyone retires to the local diner for an all-you-can-eat breakfast of eggs, bacon, hash-browns, and pancakes.

It’s the American way.